911 call

Today I called 911 for the first time in my life. In the 90 seconds it took for me to buckle Jared into his car seat, Kylie ran. I looked around really quickly and didn't see her, so I got Jared out and looked more seriously. Neighbors began to help, all of us calling for her. I can't describe how I felt. I was trying not to panic, trying not to fall apart, trying to pray, trying to think of where she might have been, dealing with the fact that my eyes weren't finding her, that my ears couldn't hear her voice say, "Here I am!" Could someone have taken her? Yes. But I didn't think that was the case. i was afraid she had crossed a street and been injured - yesterday and today she crossed our little street to the car without me. With streets everywhere and blocks and blocks of townhomes, each with several inviting staircases, I was overwhelmed. She could be anywhere, and she could be gone forever. My heart can't even bear the thought.

A neighbor said, should we call the police? Yes. I knew we should, I was thinking we should take the next step, since no one was finding her. I called 911. "What are you reporting?" Looking back, isn't that a weird thing to say? The movies always say, "911. What's your emergency?" I told them my location, my name, after I told them that I couldn't find my daughter. I started to choke on my sobs to admit it, so say and spell her name and explain what had happened. I decided to expand my search farther from the car and had the thought to go up. While on the phone with 911 I went up the hill one block to the very top and saw 2 teenage boys. They looked relieved to see me and I knew. My heart was suddenly full of hope that they had seen her based on the recognition in their faces. I turned the corner and saw my friend Robyn, there with a few other people, and sweet little Kylie. Thank you God! Thank you so much! Oh my baby. I just lost it and hugged her. She started crying too, because she always cries when I cry. I was so so scared. Sometimes I dream about losing her or Jared, and it's the scariest, most heart-wrenching fear for a mother.

"They found her!" I told the 911 lady. I don't know what she said after that and I don't care. Though I half expected a police officer to knock on my door and ask me some questions. Luckily they probably just saw me as another scared parent in a situation without any real trouble brewing. They answered so fast - no ringing, and I'm grateful to have law enforcement on our side. She had run up the hill - and I mean run, because my eye was off her for just about 90 seconds - and after a few minutes noticed that I didn't follow. She started asking, "mommy?" and the 2 teenage boys took her to my friend Robyn's house thinking she might be her daughter. So Robyn came out to find her mommy. It's been so long that Robyn didn't recognize her; but maybe Kylie remembers Robyn since Robyn looks the same. Thank you Heavenly Father for keeping her safe, unharmed, while I, Mat Merkley and all his neighbors were in a panic.

I am definitely going to keep a closer eye on my kids. I never leave the house empty handed (like with cupcakes to deliver today), and by the time I lock the door these last 2 days, Jared's walking up the stairs to the neighbors, or to the back of the apartment foilage, and Kylie's crossed the street out of sight to the car. Yes. We will be having even more talks and practices leaving the house and staying close to Mommy. My hair will be gray in no time at this rate! But I am so relieved. I even feel better having written all this down, like closure. Admitting that today happened and that everything is ok again. I love her so much, I can't think about today without getting emotional. It's like the day I thought I lost Jared to a miscarriage - I was 13 weeks and started gushing blood. My heart sank into despair - the truest grief I've felt I think, only to be lifted up a few hours later knowing that my little peanut was ok.

Thankfully for me, these lessons come with very happy endings.